DearScotty

I gave my first introduction yesterday and if children jumping out of windows are any indication of how it went, then you now know how it went. I actually thought it was pretty funny watching the kids fly through the windows. The teacher didn’t seem to mind so I kept on showing pictures of California. Unfortunately the kids didn’t fall 3 stories below, but 2 feet onto the hallway beside the class.

After class I wasted my life away in the teacher’s room as usual but was awoken from my mindless trance when I heard the sweet squeals of the recorder being played by the school’s special student. I like how they have to tell me that she’s special, or whatever Japanese word they have for it, as if I can’t tell she looks at her feet when she talks and she’s constantly doing a Bob Dole limp left hand. Well, I asked if they had another recorder so we could duet, but they just had the one. So somehow we started quizzing the special girl with a flashcard set of beautifully colored pictures. She had to say the words in English but, by the end of the flashcards, somehow, it became “quiz the American retard.” Needless to say, I passed, but you’d be surprised, I was giving the Japanese words for things like book, tree, and squirrel. After Quiz the Retards we went upstairs to play table tennis. It became obvious that the school didn’t really have a budget to work with because the tables were planks of wood colored green with holes gutted out all across the top. This doesn’t really affect the outcome of the game when you have a girl with the reflexes of a sloth. So, I crushed this girl at table tennis. I mean, I even tried to give her a point, but the ball kept hitting her chest. An older man, say in his 70s, came by and saw the clinic I was putting on, so he decided to challenge me. I lost 11-1. So the two retards went back to the classroom to color together.

On the lunch menu today was potpourri of mystery meat spaghetti. I believe I found some pieces of squid along with undercooked pork. There was also a strange processed fish chip thing. Imagine Pringles making chips with processed fish instead of potatoes, and then not shaping the chips like duck bills, and then spraying them with a (hopefully) non-toxic coating of neon pink food coloring, if you can picture this, then you’ve only begun to grasp the oddity they hid within my noodles which were also topped with seaweed. I think they ran out of Parmesan and basil.

I gave my speech alongside the principal to the entire junior high today at their school gym.  I think it went well, I was afraid they wouldn’t get my joke that I thought we were supposed to karaoke on stage, but I noticed a lot of kids giggling.  At the last minute I decided to back out of my all Japanese speech and opted to start off in English, throw in some Japanese, and then read my now reduced down version of the Japanese speech.  I was really glad to learn I embarrassed the principal with my charade about not having music for karaoke, because that guy was quite an ass.  His speech consisted of yelling at the students for not being an arms length away.  The 1^st year students were all pretty well behaved, but the 3^rd year students were quite rowdy.  In a way, I don’t blame the students because those teachers wouldn’t give them any breathing room.  I guess teenagers rebel in any society, but I imagine it here even more so, because if they truly are getting some western influence then maybe I’m not alone in seeing how irrational the adults are here.  After the ceremony, some of the rough, bleached hair 3^rd year students came up to me and said hello.  They were intrigued by my American ness, guess that’s blue eyes, and blonde hair, so I showed them the same respect and said they had cool, American hair.  I also taught some of those boys how we do handshakes, they seemed to dig it.  I figure that if I have the “cool” kids on my side, then everything should be a breeze.  Now it’s just a matter of setting up internet at my desk.