DearScotty

Boy it’s hot! “It’s not just the heat,” as my dad would say, “It’s the humidity that kills you!” Such wise words spoken like a true guru. Which leads me to believe that my dad is Japanese. Scary I know. I’ve been sweaty all day but thankfully it hasn’t been so bad in the teacher’s room.

I’ll return from class trying to pry the boxers off my soaked legs then enter a nice chilly teacher’s room. Of course, this is Japan and you can’t have too much of a good thing. So someone has to turn off the AC and open all the windows! Now, my butt’s sweating rain drops and my arm hairs are blotting together.

My dad was infamous for coming home after work and opening up all the windows in the house after we had the air conditioning on all day. We couldn’t plead our case that he was just letting all the cold air out and welcoming in the outside heat. The fact that he wouldn’t listen to rationality is just another piece of evidence of his Eastern heritage. If this is the cultural experience I came seeking then I should’ve moved back in with pops. meh?

It’s summer time! How do you cool down to beat the heat? Does a large class of refreshing Ice-T, or maybe a nice juicy red watermelon hit the spot? Well, if you’re like the Japanese and love to cool down with a long thick cucumber then Pepsi has the summer drink sensation for you! What better way to “chill out” then with an Ice Cucumber beverage!

Sadly, if you were hoping a fresh bucket of cucumber juice were to splash on your face as you gulped down your first chug of Ice Cucumber, then you’d be heartbroken. Pepsi’s Ice Cucumber is more like Crystal Pepsi with green food coloring. Although, I was able to detect something minty. The mint was probably intended to cool you down. So far, the best Pepsi I’ve had in Japan was Pepsi Gold. It came out around Christmas time and had a bit of a ginger bread flavor, kind of cinnamon like.

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After an odd experience of dancing with Dragon Ball Z characters and J-pop girls (whose brains resemble fuzzy pink Weeples), Theresa and I headed off to find a place to spend the night. We tried to comprehend the scene we just left and agreed we had just been flung out from an anime cartoon. We learned from past experience that we won’t get a space at the internet cafe if it’s past 2am. So at 5am we headed to Round 1. It’s a mega amusement center, roughly 8 stories of video games, comics, internets, batting cages, table tennis, massage chairs, snack bars, darts, badminton, etc… Every major city like Fukuoka, Kobe, Osaka and Tokyo has one of these.

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I made burritos for the third day in a row yesterday and while I was cooking I noticed I was saying some weird shit. Do you ever catch yourself talking to yourself but saying really bizarre things? You could be trying to open a pickle jar and you’ll start saying, “Open up you piece of shit!” Recently, I’ve been saying even odder things.

“You thought you could escape the wrath of my plastic horror forced down upon you?” What the hell was I saying? I looked around, trying to figure out why I just said that and saw that I was just wrapping up half a tomato to put back into the fridge.

“Expecto Patronum this bitch!” I killed a gnat while taking a shower last night. Apparently it didn’t stand a chance against my anti-Dementor patronus.

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The Funniest Thing I’ve Ever Seen:

I helped teach four classes in a row and hadn’t eaten anything all day. I was starving. You could imagine the joy I felt when it appeared we were having fried shrimp for lunch. They can’t mess that up? Could they? Not exactly, no. On closer inspection we were having battered fish. Well, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. I do like fish sticks back home. I took a bite and waited to taste something weird, but that didn’t quite happen. I assumed from the first bite it was safe to eat. As I brought the fish in for another bite I dropped the fishy on the plate. I was eating pregnant fish. I’ve heard about this before but never tried it. It was loaded with tiny white eggs. I manned up and finished the first one. It didn’t taste so bad, it was more of the idea that made it difficult to eat. I was about to try the second one when I noticed it’s eyeball. Apparently, the batter doesn’t stick well to the eye sockets. That was it; I couldn’t eat the rest of my meal. I normally eat the cigarette ash noodle things (cognac) but couldn’t stomach it today. Kyuushoku defeated me today. You bastards don’t know how lucky you are to have Taco Bell’s Crunch Wrap Supreme and Carl’s Jr’s Buffalo Chicken Sandwich.

For the JETs that stay on for another year there are two re-contracting conferences. Those living in the east get to have theirs in Tokyo, while us westerners get Kobe. Sure, Tokyo would’ve been better but surprisingly Kobe is a pretty awesome place. Like most Japanese cities, it’s immaculate. But, the people seemed a bit cleaner and more refreshed looking then the Fukuoka folk. Kobe is pretty famous for their Kobe Beef. Do you think I tried this fatty marbled over price piece of flesh?

Of course not! I dined on Brazilian BBQ. I hadn’t had so much meat since the Star Wars Episode 1 premier. One beautiful aspect of having Brazilian BBQ in Japan is the added bonus of getting the nomihodai. A nomihodai is a timed all you can drink marathon. The beers keep getting refilled while the meats are brought out on skewers to no end. It’s just pure heaven. Because of this gorging I regret to inform you that I missed the last day’s presentations. Luckily, my school has no clue about the internets and none of them can read English. If Hosaka-san has discovered how to open his web browser, also learned how to use babelfish to translate and is now is reading this, I didn’t miss anything at the meetings that I already didn’t know and thank you for the extra two hundred bucks for the booze and beef!