DearScotty

It’s been a while since I’ve complained about the school lunch. I’m sure part of it is because I’ve gotten used to most of it but, more importantly, I believe they’ve just stopped making really bad food all together. Well, today they broke their streak of providing decent meals for lunch. Today’s main dish was bird’s nest. I approached my plate with caution as I tried to discern what brown jumbled mess lay before me. I sat down and studied the gunk piling high. It looked like twigs, pine, laundry dryer lint, and other odd things you’d find in a bird’s nest, yet it was darker as if the nest was soaked in black ink. Truly baffled, I asked the secretary next to me what this dish was. She said it was black sea grass and tarp with processed fish. I responded with, “It’s not very pretty is it?” She gave her usual response when asked about odd food dishes and said, “No, it’s not pretty, but it’s healthy.” As she was finishing up her sentence the vice principal entered and dumped his bird nest into the trash. I asked him whether or not he liked the dish. He said, “Diet, I’m on a diet” then proceeded to slap his belly. Immediately I told the secretary, “Guess he doesn’t know it’s healthy.”

Today I signed my intent NOT to re-contract. My two years in small town Japan will be over next July. I will probably have to give a good bye speech to the kids. The usual speech will probably motivate the kids to continue learning English while demonstrating that they’ve changed my life. I’m sure the kids haven’t learned anything, and my life hasn’t changed much. I would love to take the piss but I’m sure it won’t get translated properly. Now that I know the leash is coming off I feel a lot more relaxed, especially in class. I could care less if the kids goof off or attempt to destroy the lesson. Go a head, fine by me. Now that I’m set to start grad school at UCLA in the fall, the students’ lack of joy to play Jeopardy doesn’t bother me a bit..
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Besides catching up on a decades worth of TV shows that I’ve failed to ever watch, to kill some time I like to jam on the guitar. I’ve never formally introduced her so, here goes. I bought James for a few hundred bucks when I first arrived in Japan. I don’t know who James is, but he makes good guitars. Playing in between episodes of The Daily Show and Colbert Report can get quite boring so I’ve decided to get a band together. My friend Shou is an amazing guitar player, who makes my guitar skills look like a five year old playing a squeaky recorder. That said, I have demoted myself to bassist. The only joy in this is getting to buy myself a new bass. My previous basses have been beginner basses, except one that was a step up from beginner. So, this time around I decided to go all out and get me a manly yet beautiful bass.

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As winter moves into full force the sound of “samuii ne?” reverberates throughout the country side. As the birds chirp outside, the Japanese “samuii ne?” inside. It has been rumored that a lost Japanese kid can find his way back to his mother just by the sound of her “samuii ne?” [citation needed] This tired phrase means, “Cold isn’t it?” And it’s probably just a bit more annoying then the summer destroying, “Hot enough for you?”

When you’re inside a classroom exhaling steam puffs and you have to waddle around like a penguin because your feet have frozen solid, I believe it goes without saying that it’s cold. If they have such a big problem with the cold, why not install heaters? Or how bout this amazing piece of technology, Insulation!

… be messin with my tubes and konnekshunz.

After enduring a three hour delay, putting up with screaming kids on the plane, and having a piece of luggage lost, Theresa and I are back in Japan. Thankfully we transitioned nicely since we were welcomed home with a beautiful clear day. Now that school has begun, the skies have been re-tuned to TV gray and are waiting to piss on us. Oh Southern California, how I miss your blue skies and your cool crisp December afternoons.

Christmas recap: Presents were purchased and received. Families and Friends were seen and neglected. Food was eaten and forgotten.

New Years and Vegas recap: Alcohol was consumed and spilled. Balderdash delighted and pained. Money won and lost, but mostly won. Bubble baths were fun and messy. Buffets were conquered and deeply missed. Carnegie Deli sandwiches amazed and perplexed.

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I have been constantly baffled every time I enter a men’s bathroom in Japan. I will undoubtedly find a drenched floor in front of every urinal. One might think that Japanese men stand too far back from the urinal and thus have a tendency to spill. But that couldn’t be further from the truth as Japanese men appear to be getting sucked in by a urinal vortex. It’s possible they start before they reach the porcelain goal line, but I haven’t exactly witnessed early touchdowns. I concluded that the Japanese men lack the concept of completely emptying the well. There are many methods to choose from but it seems the Japanese men prefer to walk away while the faucet’s still running.

Well, my mind was blown again when I came across this article on the intertubes:

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On my way home from school I spotted this gem:

Maybe this explains why the Japanese don’t trust foreigners. They think we turn into werewolves no matter the time of day or moon cycle. We also have amazing body shrinking skills.

Instead of trying to piece together another Thanksgiving holiday in Japan, Theresa and I abandoned the kitchen and took a night bus to Tokyo. For that taste of home we decided to spend the weekend at Tokyo Disney. Unfortunately for us, our bus arrived in Tokyo around 10am on Friday. We would do Disneyland first since Friday would be our shortest day, but we didn’t expect that it would sell out! We arrived at Disneyland just after 11am and were welcomed with apologies from the overhead announcements informing us that Disneyland had stopped all ticket sales until 5pm that night.

There wasn’t anything we could do but hang out in their version of Downtown Disney which they call Ikspiari. We ate a decent burger and fries meal at Planet Hollywood and enjoyed some coffees at a cute bakery. We went into every shop trying to kill as much time as possible but later decided to wait near the gates until they reopened the ticket booths.

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I’ve learned two things this week. 1. I don’t have the half moon on my pinkie nails any longer. 2. I don’t have to double space after completed sentences. Apparently I’ve held on to the practice of double spacing from the typewriter days. Computers have corrected typewriters with proportional spacing so it makes it easier to catch the difference between sentences.

Because this week is reserved for testing, I have no classes. I also don’t have hair on the top of my pointer finger above the first joint. All my other fingers have hair there. I also completed the 10k gold “fun” level on desktop tower defense with a score of 23,500.

Japan is boring but! but! Theresa and I are going to Tokyo Disney and DisneySea this 3-day weekend. Let the jealousy help warm my frozen toes.